Blue'' possibly be more entertaining than this? How can an hour of ''E.R.'' or ''N.Y.P.D. This closet is a portal to another world.'' Anyway, Kay confessed her bad deed to her friends at the urging of the blind priest, Father Lonigan, who warned the disbelieving teens: ''Do not be deceived. 2, Hecuba, in order to steal Charity's hunky boyfriend, Miguel Lopez-Fitzgerald. She was sent to hell thanks to her scheming cousin, Kay, the one who sold her soul to witch No. Nothing, however, tops the dancing demons and burning flames inside the closet of Charity, the local good girl. (Tabitha is played by Juliet Mills, whose glee in portraying this villainess must surely be a reaction to the time she spent as a sickeningly sweet, spellcasting nanny 30 years ago on ''Nanny and the Professor.'')
I can't get enough of moments like the ''Psycho'' parody, which culminated in the witch Tabitha and her living doll disguising themselves as a nun and a rabbi to elude an axe-wielding lesbian who chased them through an airport. But then a young angel who looked suspiciously like the second coming of Shirley Temple suddenly appeared. The other one had arrived in town recently and tricked the teenage girl's cousin into selling her mortal soul, which was liquid and fit into a tiny bottle that the second witch carried around like a necklace to taunt the soulless girl. Oh, and nearby stood a cackling witch and a boy doll, which the witch had turned into a little person.Īctually, there were two witches. No, that was the fact that this Hades was inside her bedroom closet. On the screen, I saw a teenage girl surrounded by the flames of hell and jitterbugging demons. Then, one afternoon at work, I wandered into the lunchroom and happened to glance at the television. There just didn't seem to be any fun in a genre that had been parodied to death yet never seemed to get the joke. In my lifetime, I've probably seen ''Beastmaster'' more times than I've seen all the Merchant-Ivory films put together.īut, with the exception of some bouts with unemployment after college, I'd never spent much time watching daytime soap operas. When nobody is looking, I will switch off NPR and sing along to the Backstreet Boys. I AM the sort of person who has left fancy business dinners early because it was 99-cent Big Mac day.
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